10/22/2012

1.  Today was supposed to be a day of turning over new leaves.  And maybe it was, time will tell.  It wasn't a resounding success.  I've been thinking a lot about our goals as parents, and what we're really trying to accomplish as Ben and I try to raise these children.  I spent some time pondering the character traits I'd most like to improve on in the next little while.  I came up with four:
Kindness
Helpfulness
Hard Work
Good Attitude
That's a pretty good list, right?  There are lots of other wonderful character traits as well, but these are four I think we need to work on in particular.  As part of this effort, I went to Walmart and bought a few bags of multicolored glass gems, and three goblet-shaped candle holders.  They really do look like awesome, heavy goblets.  I put all the gems into a glass bowl on the piano.  Whenever Ben and I catch the boys doing something that demonstrates Kindness, Helpfulness, Hard Work, or a Good Attitude, they can get a gem (we're calling them jewels) to put in their goblets.  When their goblet is full, they can redeem all the jelwels for something special of their choice.
I explained it all on Sunday afternoon, and the boys were pretty excited about it.  They all earned several jewels before the night was out, and I didn't have to ask anyone to empty the dishwasher, take out the trash, or anything!  I had very kind, helpful, hard working boys with good attitudes.  It was great!
Today started out well.  Two boys came out of their bedrooms the first time I asked without whining, and they got jewels.  Things continued to go pretty well, except I started to see some competition happening.  "He has 12 jewels, how did he get 12 jewels and I only have 5?"  And, "Didn't you see me wash off the table?  Don't I get a jewel for that?  He got a jewel for taking out the trash!"  Ugh.  I'm not exactly sure how to handle it.  Maybe they need to keep their goblets in their rooms so there is no comparing.  But it is so fun for them to carry around their goblets full of jewels!  Brigham likes to drink ice water from his goblet, jewels and all.
And then there was a big fight.  I shall not name names, but Mosey was not involved.  Mosey and I came home from Tae Kwon Do, and as I was coming out of the garage, I heard some piano practicing.  Yay!  But then Boy A came out to inform me that Boy B (the practicer) had ONLY practiced that one song, and had only been practicing a few minutes.  When I came inside, I told everyone to take a break for lunch.  A couple of minutes later Boy B's piano timer went off, indicating his 45 minutes of practicing should have been over.  Boy B tried to start telling me he had finished almost all of his practicing, when Boy A jumped in and again told me he had only played one song.  Then all heck broke loose and Boy B jumped up and started after Boy A, claiming that Boy A "ALWAYS, EVERY SINGLE TIME!" fibbed about doing all his practicing when I was gone to Tae Kwon Do.  Yelling began, and within a couple of seconds, Boy B was after Boy A, going for blood.  I tried to intercept Boy B, and got slapped away-- very hard-- on the arm.  Well, hitting mom is not OK, no way, no how.  So Boy B got sent to his room, and I called Ben to ask what he thought I should do.  Hitting mom is unacceptable in his book, too, and he headed home.  Meanwhile Boy A and I had a little talk where he told me that he HAD, on occasion, fibbed about practicing when I was gone to Tae Kwon Do, and he had recruited Boy B to back him up in his fib.  Uh-oh.  So we had a talk about honesty.  I don't think he'll do it again, but I think some restitution needs to be made.  I'm thinking about it.
Then I went into Boy B's room and lay next to him on his bed.  He was crying and angry and extremely upset.  But, we talked.  I know he was a turmoil of mixed emotions.  Afraid and remorseful about hitting me.  Embarrassed about getting caught out in a fib.  Feeling totally betrayed by his brother who did not reciprocate the "backing up" of the fib.  I know he didn't consciously mean to hit me.  I mostly got in his way of his getting to Boy A, and in the heat of the moment he slapped me away (hard enough to leave a distinct hand-print on my arm!).  But still, violence can never be an acceptable response in our home.  In fact, that is WHY violence can never be allowed.  Innocent people get hurt, and you end up doing things you never meant to do.  Ben came home.  A pretty harsh consequence was laid down, and after a while everything was OK again.
But, it did make me feel just a little depressed about our whole "kind, helpful, hard work, and good attitude" thing.  We've got work to do.

2.  Brigham and Mosey and I went to orchestra in the evening, as usual.  They sound good.  Brigham loves orchestra.  I'm so glad.

3.  We watched the debate tonight.  I debated watching the debate :-) but Ben turned it on, and I ended up watching the whole thing.  Honestly, I thought it was boring.  I couldn't tell a huge difference in their foreign policies, at least nothing that substantial.  It was mostly "well, I'm pleased that ___ agrees with me that ____."  Or one of them saying that they would do what the other one said, but they'd somehow do it better.  It got more interesting towards the end, and I think Romney finished off more strongly.  I laughed during Obama's final remarks when he said that Romney's foreign polices were "dangerous and reckless"  Really? It seemed like they both spent the evening agreeing with the other's foreign policies!  During the debate I never heard Obama state that anything Romney actually proposed was "dangerous and reckless."  He pulled out that phrase just for the closing remarks, and didn't actually reflect the content of the debate at all.  Oh well.  I can't wait for this election to be over.  Really and truly.