bed time or blog time?

Hi everyone.
I'm still here! I made a goal this year to get serious about getting enough sleep. Well, I've not been perfect, but I am trying. Sadly, this goal means my computer time is limited. I have 16 minutes until my self-imposed bedtime, so we'll see how I do tonight.

We've been up to a few things around here, especially a House Organization Project.
I finally got around to organizing this house in a more usable way for me. All our books were upstairs, which really doesn't work for me, considering I can make, at best, one trip upstairs per day. More like one every week or 2 or 3. So we moved some furniture out and some bookshelves in, and at last I have most of the books I want downstairs. The arrangement is not quite as esthetically pleasing as it used to be, but lots more useful. It's taken quite a bit of time to get things arranged correctly, and my books organized.

I have 2 or 3 boxes of books to send to my sister (all the baby board books we've outgrown). Is that a nice thing to do or a mean thing? Sometimes getting other people's hand-me-downs is great, other times it just means that now YOU have to take them to Goodwill or trash them... I am not sending her all our baby books; some of them I couldn't bear to part with. I want to keep them so that my grandkids can look at the books that their daddies loved when they were little. Isn't that disgustingly sentimental? Oh well, I don't care.

I've also tackled the papers that have been mocking me for almost a year. I have all the boys put their drawings on a shelf, with the intention of going through them and choosing the best ones to keep. My boys are PROLIFIC artists, let me tell you. It took me a good 3 hours on Saturday (while listening to conference) to go through all the drawings. But now they're organized and the shelf is empty ready to be filled up with more drawings. It was actually sort of fascinating to go through all their drawings and compare the different styles the two boys have (Mosey isn't much of an artist yet, but he's getting there). I think there's a lot to learn about a child, just looking at drawings. Or patterns of drawings, I guess. I'll scan some of them to show some examples.

I also got all of Joseph's 1st grade papers sorted, and the ones worthy of keeping filed neatly in a three ring binder. I haven't done Brigham's yet, but his will be sorted this weekend. And then Mosey's preschool papers.

I just can't throw things away. I know my mom must have tossed nearly all of our school stuff out. With 9 kids going through elementary school, I cannot imagine the reams and reams of artwork, poems, stories, etc. that came home. But with only 3, I have the luxury of keeping some of them. I'm not sure my boys will ever look at them again, but I might. And their wives might. I love looking at some of the funny things Ben's mom kept from his school papers growing up. He has a picture he drew when he was 6 or 7 about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He drew a picture of a slide and wrote, "When I grow up, I want to be a slide." Yes, he was a smart-alec even as a little kid.

The boys have been doing well. School lessons are going swimmingly for the moment. Joseph is doing better with his attitude. He likes multiplication and division about 1000 times better than addition and subtraction, which helps his enthusiasm level considerably. I've also tried real hard to back off him a little. It's better for me to cultivate a good relationship between the two of us, and for him to develop a positive attitude toward school and learning, than for him to FINISH his math paper RIGHT HERE and RIGHT NOW. So I back off, everything stays calmer, and he's a LOT more cooperative. It's a big change from a few months ago. And I have a few tricks up my sleeve of things he really likes, and I think he knows that I mean it when I tell him that he simply can't ride the horse unless his schoolwork is done. Or get an icee at Burger King after Mosey's speech therapy (the boys' weekly treat).

We also started yet another chore/reward system. The nickel jars worked pretty well for a while, but nickels are pretty annoying to deal with when the boys want to spend their money, and it just took too much work on my part. I'm pretty lazy, you know. So now we have a "Bank Balance" poster on the wall in the hallway. Now when they do a chore that I'm paying them for, it is their responsibility to write down the amount that they get. They're under strict orders not to cheat. If they do, they will get the extra amount deducted plus $1 which is a lot for them. And, happily, they are pretty good policemen to each other. So this has been working great, since I don't have to do any work! I tell them what they earned, they go write it down. Then if they choose to buy something at the store, we simply deduct the cost from their bank balance, and we don't have to have a cash exchange at all.

I know it's working because I'm getting some VERY helpful boys, suddenly. They raked and bagged 8 big bags of leaves on Saturday, and Joseph and Brigham each earned a dollar by taking about 10 trips each up and down the stairs lugging books.

Joseph has been participating and interested in earning money, and that makes me very happy. I've given him chores, and if he doesn't seem to want to do them, I say, "Fine, I'll ask Brigham if he wants to earn 25 cents." Suddenly, Joseph wants to help! It's great.

I've been thinking a lot about how to teach my kids how to work, and how to avoid falling into the "entitlement" trap that so many Americans seem to be struggling with at the moment. It is hard.

I loved conference this weekend. I loved Elder Holland's talk. He and Elder Uchtdorf have the most compelling delivery styles, at least for me. I always look forward to reading the talks later, though, because sometimes there will be one that I sort of glossed over while listening, for one reason or another. But really, Elder Holland's talk was really powerful to me.

So basically, life is going pretty well at the moment. I will leave you with some pictures.

Bike riding at the church parking lot.





Here's my Mosey. I think it is so wonderful how children, no matter what they look like, are just THE cutest and the MOST adorable to their parents. At least so far. Maybe when mine are 14 and giving me attitude I won't think so? Anyway, I don't really know what my kids look like to other people, and I don't really care because to me, Mosey is the epitome of 5-year-old cuteness. He cannot be improved upon in any way.


I love his crinkled-nose smile. He still has a tiny bit of the baby-fat pudge, and I love, love, love it.



And this one, just because he's silly.



Joseph's been very camera-phobic recently, so for me to get a shot like this of him makes my day. Doesn't he look angelic? Ha! Don't be fooled. :-)
He recently learned to ride his bike without the training wheels. Yeah, I know, a little bit of a late-bloomer. He just didn't have the confidence before, and then one day a few weeks ago, he decided he was going to take them off, and then he just went! Just like that! No learning curve at all. Silly boy.



I have no idea what Joseph is finding so funny, but it must have been hilarious. He's wearing his cowboy boots, which he loves, and which I find totally endearing. Shorts with cowboy boots. Can't he just stay this age forever? Please?



It's so hard to get a natural picture of Brigham smiling. He is very serious when he's focused on an activity, and if I try to get him to talk about something to catch a smile, he's very animated and looks away a lot. I have a lot of great smiling shots where he's looking off to the side. Which is just fine, but sometimes I want a normal "look at me and smile" shot, you know? So I am pretty happy with this one. Brigham has such a gentle, good spirit, can you see it in his eyes? He actually stayed inside and LISTENED to all of the Sunday afternoon conference session, and then afterwards was reading his Book of Mormon and marking scriptures he liked. Why can't I be as naturally good as my son is??



He's also a good little bike-rider. And very focused and serious. I got a barely-half smile here. Look at how tall he's getting! We really need to raise the seat on his bike. Where do these tall kids of mine come from? How dare they grow up!!

Biggest hail stones I have ever seen!

This afternoon (well, I guess, yesterday afternoon) we had this tremendous hail storm. Joseph and I were practicing piano and heard this roar outside. We rushed to the front door and saw hail starting to fall. It got louder and louder and I went to get my camera, then went to the back porch to video it.
Oh my gosh, it was SO crazy!!! I have never seen anything like that at all! It was thundering and lightning and pretty scary.
We had been home only about 15 minutes and, wow, was I glad we weren't on the road anymore. I can't imagine that there weren't a bunch of wrecks because of this. I feel really sorry for anyone who had their car parked outside.
As soon as I got back inside, I called Ben. I had been really worried he was on his way home (it was around 5:30 I think). Thankfully he was still at the office and I told him not to leave until he was SURE any severe weather was over.



Mosey was really excited! Not quite scared enough, though, since he ran out into it for a few seconds before he realized he was getting pelted in the head and his mom was screaming for him to get back under the porch.



Not snow, piles of hail stones.



They are about the same size as golf balls, and look like them, too!



Can you imagine one of these falling thousands of feet from the sky and landing on your car?



A lot of them shattered on impact, and you could see the layers of ice formation.



Look at this one compared to the size of a quarter!

Huge hail storm!!

Fast forward to about 1:30 to the end to see the craziest part.

hand controls and MS accessories

I had my driving evaluation for getting hand controls for my van today. I'm now approved and scheduled for 8 lessons, although the instructor said she didn't think it would take that many. Then I go get tested at DPS (TX version of DMV), and get a new license and I'm good to go!
The evaluation consisted of a pretty extensive eye exam testing far vision, peripheral vision, night vision, etc. There were also some cognitive tests, but the evaluator cut those off after only 2 because I'm just so dang smart. :-)
Then I had about an hour behind the wheel in their training car. It's pretty bizarre driving without using my feet at all. The control lever is on the left, just below the turn signal. You push in to brake, and pull down to accelerate. The first few minutes felt like learning to drive all over again, and I did not think I would be able to do it!
But I got the hang of it after a while and she took me out on some busy roads (Lamar, Airport Blvd, etc. for you Austinites). It's very strange having to think consciously about braking and accelerating now, after 16 years of driving the regular way. I suppose with time it will become second nature.
The controls will work well; they do not get in the way of the pedals at all, for when Ben wants to drive the van the normal way.
I'm hoping I might be able to get DPS approved before our big trip at the end of April. We shall see!
Also, here is a picture of me with my stylin' forearm crutches. I upgraded from my cane a few months ago, and they are much better for my walking, although a whole lot uglier. I can't really glue fake jewels on these. But they are better than a walker (almost anything is better than a walker). Also I'm getting some wicked arm muscles. I wish I could go back to my junior high presidential fitness testing, I bet I could whip out those pull-ups and dips with no problem now!
I also got a small little wheelchair to use around the house during the day so I don't get so exhausted, but I don't have a picture of that, sorry.

Picture courtesy of Joseph while we were at the church parking lot today riding bikes (well, the boys were riding bikes, I was sitting in the van watching them).

St. Patrick's Day!

St. Patrick's Day is my favorite meaningless holiday. I mean, it's meaningful to Irish-Catholics, but since we're neither Irish nor Catholic, it's pretty irrelevant to us. But green is my favorite color, so I've always liked the day. I don't believe I have EVER missed a St. Patrick's Day wearing green (at least, not since before I started school).
We didn't celebrate too much, aside from wearing green. I made Irish soda bread with raisins for dinner (which the boys totally devoured), plus green-dyed scrambled eggs, and that was the extent of it. Still, it was fun.

I have tried to take pictures of my kids every St. Patrick's Day. So here we go, starting with St. Patrick's Day 2009 (Mosey was even prepared with his green light saber):


2008:


I'm missing 2007 because I was in the hospital over that St. Patrick's Day. No fun.


Here's 2006. Not my best picture, what can I say.


Here's a separate one of Brigham, just so you can see his cute 4-year-old face:



2005:


2004: (Mosey was 2 months old and NOT happy)


2003 (the twins were too fast this year to get a picture together!):



And their very first St. Patrick's Day, 2002!!

Joseph's first encounter with the police

We went to Lowe's this afternoon to get some new handles for our kitchen cabinets. Lowes is not Joseph's favorite store and he wanted to stay in the car. It was a cool, cloudy afternoon, and Joseph is a good boy, so we let him.
After about 15 minutes in the store, we hear on the intercom, "Will the owner of the 2004 Astrovan, license plate___ please come to customer service." Ben and I just looked at each other and said, "Joseph." Ben went up to the front, saw police there, but was more worried about Joseph and so went straight outside. There were 3 police cars surrounding the van.
It turns out someone saw Joseph alone in the van and called the police. They told the police they thought a 4 year old child was alone in the car. Joseph was pretty offended that they thought he was 4!
Texas law says that children 7 and older can stay unaccompanied in the car, so everything was fine, and the police apologized for scaring Joseph (he was in tears). Joseph did a good job and wouldn't open the car door until the policemen actually showed him their badge. I told him if it ever happens again (and hopefully it won't, but in this world of busybodies, you never know), he doesn't even have to open the door for the police. He can just tell them he has to wait for his mom or dad.
So Joseph came back in the store with Ben and a handful of police badge stickers and temporary tattoos. And now he knows I'm not kidding when I tell Mosey *he* can't stay in the car because the police will come and take me to jail!
I have very mixed feelings about people who call the police for this kind of thing. Joseph is 7 1/2, obviously not 4. It was about 50 degrees outside, and cloudy. No chance at all of overheating (plus Joseph is certainly capable of getting out of the car if he needs to). He was in a locked van in a very safe community. Was it really necessary to call the police?
I've never been a helicopter mom in any sense of the word. I believe in giving my kids the opportunity to be responsible for themselves and to live up to my expectations, and they do. I leave them at home frequently for short periods of time, with strict instructions, and they follow through to the letter and feel good about themselves for it. I know that I can trust them, but I also know that I can't necessarily trust other people, and I always encourage them to come with me for that reason. But they have to learn responsibility some time, and the only way they will do so is if they are given opportunities to be responsible for themselves.
I felt like leaving a note on the other people's car (they had parked next to our van), saying that our child was old enough to stay in the car by himself, and they wasted the police's time and traumatized my son. But I didn't.

Bizkit the dreaming dog

Have you seen this video yet? My boys and I watched it over and over again. I'm sorry, it's just SOOOOO funny. Especially if you have a dog. Dogs are so weird.

Baby doll surgery

I bought this baby doll when I was pregnant with Mosey, hoping to show the twins how to be gentle with a baby. Yeah, right. It became a 4-limbed projectile almost immediately.
I've kept it around since we do *occasionally* have little girls over to play.
The boys found it and decided to do a little surgery. Actually, Joseph and Mosey conspired to cut off its arms, and then Brigham was worried I'd be mad, so he tried to reattach the arms. He cut little holes in the belly and farther down the arms, and strung yarn through these holes and tied the yarn.
I really appreciated his efforts, and praised his ingenuity. Then gently suggested that next time he could come to me and I'd show him how to use a needle and thread.
I did manage to sew up all the little holes and get the arms reattached. I'm not sure why I bothered... I guess to show the boys that our toys are not disposable.
Maybe it's a good thing I never had that last baby I wanted so much. :-)

South Padre Island

A couple of weekends ago we went to South Padre Island. One of Ben's employees had a wedding reception in Brownsville, about 40 minutes away.
It was cool and cloudy, not the best weather for a weekend at the beach, but the boys didn't care.
We drove out Thursday night (it's about a 6 hour drive, WAAAAY down at the very southern tip of Texas), and spent Friday on the beach and in the resort hot tub. The boys and Ben had fun on the beach (even got sunburned, despite the clouds), but I huddled under towels on my beach chair; I thought it was cold!!


The view from our 11th floor hotel room.



It was windy and Mosey spent a lot of his time on the beach flying a kite.






Ben made this Sandman head and Mosey thought it was pretty hilarious.



Joseph walked back and forth from the shore, collecting dead Portuguese Man-o-Wars.



Helping with the sand-castle-building.






Brigham spent ALL his time building sand castles.



His giant pyramid.






The other fun activity was getting to watch TV in our hotel room (no TV at our house). They got their fill of dumb cartoons!



Joseph hates, hates, hates getting his picture taken. I have to sneak them where I can.



Couch potato.



Saturday morning it was pouring rain, so we went to a Sea Turtle rescue place. It was really interesting.


This one was HUGE.



These are really remarkable animals.

Afterwards, we drove up to the end of the island and the boys and Ben got out and played in the sand dunes in the rain and got SOAKED.
Then we drove to Brownsville, tried to watch a movie, but it was sold out. Apparently the mall is THE place to be on Saturday afternoons in Brownsville. So we went to our hotel in Brownsville and watched Rambo and ate vending machine snacks until the reception started. The boys were good and made a showing at the reception in their suits and ties before we let them go back to the room.
We drove back Sunday morning, so it was a quick trip, but a nice getaway.

Another lesson on safe driving

On Wednesday as we were coming home from horseback riding lessons, driving down the freeway, about 1/4 mile before our exit, something weird happened with the car in front of us. I saw this big black thing fly up in the air, flip around a few times, and then land on the road in front of me. At first I thought it was a big cardboard box that the other car had driven over, and the wind caused it to blow up in the air, y0u know how that happens sometimes.
Because I always leave a LOT of room between my car and the car ahead of me (you know, the slow reflexes and everything), I was able to easily get into the next lane and go around the object. As we passed it, I saw that it was a big piece of metal something. Then I saw that the car in front of me had pulled over to the side. As we passed him, we saw that the HOOD OF HIS CAR HAD BLOWN OFF!!
Isn't that bizarre?!!

I had a moment realizing that if I had been following more closely, that metal hood would have gone straight through my windshield.

As we drove the rest of the way home, I had another conversation with the boys on safe driving. I told them that was a good example of why you should never follow too closely. You just never know what the car in front of you might do.
In this case, I was glad of my disability. If I had been driving "normally," we could have been in serious trouble.
That being said, I am still getting hand controls for the van. My driving evaluation is scheduled at the St. David's rehab center on March 23. But even after that, I think I will keep up my new ultra-defensive driving habits.

Springtime in Austin

I love Austin's springs. Austin has enough of a winter that I start to miss the color. But the leaves don't finish falling until December, and the grass stays green about as long (not to mention the millions of live oaks around here which stay green all winter). Toward the end of February, buds start opening up on the deciduous trees, and now at the beginning of March, all the leaves are starting to unfurl.
3 months is pretty tolerable for winter, especially when the days rarely fall below 50 degrees and there are plenty of 70 and 80 degree days thrown in!
Florida was beautiful and green and colorful all year round, but almost too much so. You don't appreciate beauty as much when it's surrounding you all the time.
It's pretty hard for me to get around and take pictures the way I'd like, but I was able to capture some of my favorites. I just pull the van up to the side of the road and lean out and take the picture. Or in the case of the daffodils, pulled up as close as I could, got out and got down on the grass. The pictures are even sweeter to me because they were not easy to get!



There were bees swarming all around this tree. If I'd have had my macro lens with me, I could have gotten a cool shot of a bee.


I LOVE the bright, shiny green of brand-new leaves.


The Presbyterian church around the corner from our house has several beds of daffodils. In a couple of weeks, the bluebonnets will start appearing!


I have no idea what kind of tree this is, but it is gorgeous. These huge blossoms are really amazing. They don't last long, though. Only 5 or 6 days at the most. So pretty!

Eating me out of house and home

With 3 boys, I know the time is not far away when I will not be able to keep food in the house. I thought I had a few more years, though.
Do you know what Joseph ate for dinner tonight?
1. One Yoplait yogurt
2. One bowl of cream of mushroom soup
3. Two pieces of cinnamon raisin toast
4. One bowl of Strawberry Frosted Miniwheats (with milk)
5. One bowl of Cinnamon Life cereal (with milk)
6. One bowl of Cookie Crunch cereal (with milk)

Oh my GOSH! That is more than I eat in a whole day.
I know he is growing, though, him and Brigham. All their long-sleeved shirts are looking a little like 3/4 sleeved shirts these days. I tell them they have to wait until next fall before I'm going to buy any new ones, though, since they're still going to be growing and long-sleeved season is almost over down here in Austin.

Speech therapy

I'm starting Mosey in speech therapy. I took him in last week for an assessment, and today we went in to talk with the therapist after she had completed his evaluation. She told me that he is showing moderate stuttering (10% is normal for kids his age, he is showing 24%), but since it has only been going on for about 8 weeks, they normally wouldn't recommend therapy yet.

However, due to his strong family history of stuttering (me and my mom), she thought it wouldn't be a bad idea to bring him in weekly for a while to see if we can get right on top of this if it is going to be a problem. I was glad to hear this since it was what I had been thinking myself. Probably everything is going to be ok, but I don't want to take any chances.

This has been difficult for me because I will be absolutely heartbroken if Mosey has to endure a childhood of stuttering like I did. I feel very optimistic because his stuttering is much less severe than mine was at his age. He is not blocking or showing any tension or substituting words or anything, which is GOOD NEWS. He never stutters when reading or saying prayers or in other situations which for me were nearly impossible at his age. He’s experiencing "normal" disfluency, just a little more frequently than normal. My gut tells me he will outgrow this, but I also want to make sure I do everything I can possibly do to minimize any risk he may have.

Mosey is such a talkative little guy (he scored quite above average in his vocabulary and overall language development, which was no surprise to me), and it makes my heart ache to think that anything might dampen his enthusiastic little spirit.

Growing up as a stutterer was really miserable. Not only was the mockery of other kids pretty devastating, stuttering was also terrible for my self-perception. My stuttering isolated me from other kids and even from my family. My family members were certainly kind and accepting and wonderful, but when a kid can't express herself even under the best of circumstances, let alone in competition with a bunch of other siblings, isolation is pretty inescapable. It was so lonely having all these words in my head, which I could not share with anyone-- all my deepest feelings and strong opinions, funny stories, interesting facts, beautiful, well-crafted words all crammed in my head, and being unable to share them with anyone.

I experienced nearly constant anxiety about my speech, especially at school. The absolute dread and fear of being called on in class or in church to read aloud, or to say prayers, or even having someone ask your name is something only a stutterer can really understand. And many kids are not nice, not understanding, and all too willing to single other kids out for nearly any difference. I was made fun of a lot and wow, it really hurt.

Stuttering is completely humiliating to the stutterer. It still is to me, even though I'm almost completely fluent now. Nothing can bring back that shame and embarrassment as quickly as stumbling over my name, which continues to happen every now and then.

Growing up, I went to extremes to avoid situations where I would have to use the phone or read aloud or say my name. I love my name. I would prefer to go by my full name, Gabrielle, except that I can't say it. Not even now, at least, not easily or consistently. So I go by Gabby, which is cute and fine, but really, can you imagine being forced to change your very name because of a speech problem?

Even as an adult, I know at times I've developed a reputation for irresponsibility because I dislike returning phone calls, and sometimes I just can't take talking on the phone at all. I feared and hated the phone with every particle of my being growing up. I'm still not comfortable with phones. I hated being a part of a new group where each person had to introduce him or herself. I knew that everyone's first impression of me would be of me stumbling and struggling to say my name, and that it would inevitably color how everyone thought of me. People would undoubtedly think of me as stupid or a freakshow. Even the nicest kids (and adults) can rarely overcome the societal stereotype of the bumbling, stuttering idiot. It's just a sad fact of stuttering. Even stutterers are not immune.

I'm sure the experience was good for me in some ways. My stuttering improved my writing, I am certain, because writing was my one outlet for unencumbered communication (also I'm sure the reason I tend to go on and on and on in my writing...). I also tried to excel in other ways to compensate for my stuttering, which undoubtedly helped my GPA, and padded my resume. :-)

But overall, stuttering was a miserable experience, and not one I would wish on any child. Especially my own.

So for the next 8 weeks Mosey will go in every week for a half hour and hopefully have fun and learn better control of his speech. I know that speech therapy, especially for stuttering, has come a long way in the last 30 years, and even if he does end up struggling with stuttering on a long-term basis, he has a much rosier outlook than I did. But I still can’t help but feel some guilt over possibly passing this hated trait on to him. Mosey is my most outgoing, friendly, unself-conscious child. He loves to talk to other people-- adults and kids. He is never shy to go and join a new group of kids. He has a lot to say and a great little sense of humor that is emerging. Stuttering will make all of that go away and it would be a tragedy. No, not the worst tragedy a child can suffer, but still one I desperately hope will pass him by.

horseback riding

Did I tell you we started horseback riding?
We've been trying to find something Joseph could really love (and that I could use as leverage if necessary), and Ben had the bright idea to try horseback riding. Joseph loves animals, and I knew right away he would love it. So we found a woman who gives private riding lessons not too far from here (helps to live 10 minutes away from big horse ranches), got the boys cowboy boots, and they've been going for about 3 weeks now. They really do like it. They ride a big brown horse named Jackson, and the three boys split the hour and all get a chance to help groom him, saddle him up, ride him, and feed him carrots. :-)
The ranch is a fun place with chickens and turkeys and peacocks wandering around, sheep and cats and rabbits and of course lots of horses. I love seeing Joseph's smile when he's up there on the horse. The teacher is really quiet and not terribly engaging with the boys, but the price is right and she's close, and so for now it's working.
Last weekend we went to South Padre Island for a couple of days, and then drove out to Brownsville for the wedding reception of one of Ben's employees. I took a bunch of pictures which I will post after I get them processed. It was fun, although South Padre probably isn't worth the 6 hour drive since we can get to Port Aransas in about 3.5-4 hours and that's just as nice (imho). It was a little cold and it rained all day Saturday, but it was still a nice getaway. The boys love staying in hotels, and love long drives (really! They get to listen to their audio books uninterrupted), and they had a very good time.
Today is back to real life and school lessons. School is going well. We still have some cooperation *issues* with Joseph, but he's coming along. Today I was really proud of him for turning his attitude around. He started the morning being unwilling to cooperate with anything (wouldn't even get dressed). I pleaded with him to not do this, to not have a big fight with me, to just decide to have a happy day and get his work done so we could all be happy together and have time to play, and, even though it took a good 20 minutes of talking him through it, he really did turn his attitude around. Last Monday he did NOT have a good day and he and I had a big fight and I had to basically force him to sit on my lap for about 4 hours until he decided to get his act together. I really REALLY hate those kinds of power struggles, and mostly try my best to defuse them, but sometimes he really has to know that I am still in charge, even if he can run away from me. He has to know I still have the final word. I am pretty reasonable and I'm willing to negotiate on a lot of things, but only if he is reasonable in return. Last Monday was not a good day and I was so afraid today would end up the same way. Happily, it did not.
Wow, parenting is hard.

cutest tootsies EVER

Don't you think?

Happy Valentine's Day!

2 degrees

That's all it took to spoil all my fun. 2 measly degrees.
Mosey was sick on Monday. He had a slight fever, and slept almost the whole day. He was fine by that evening.
On Tuesday I started feeling not-so-great. Around noon I started getting really stiff, and my eyes were bugging me (getting fuzzy). I started panicking that I was experiencing the beginning of another MS relapse, which would be disastrous. I was almost relieved when the body aches started coming on and I realized I was getting sick. I lay down at around 2:00, and by the time I woke up at 4:00, I knew I was sick. I called Ben to come home, and then got up to use the bathroom. I barely managed to make it into the bathroom, but couldn't manage to get myself back to my bedroom. I ended up on the bathroom floor, unable to move anymore at all. Mosey came in and thoughtfully brought me a towel to put under my head and I waited for Ben to come home. I'm just glad I called him before I got up to the bathroom, or I might have been stuck there for a very long time.
When Ben got home he carried me back to bed and I took my temperature, wondering what my threshold was between walking and total immobility. 100.6. Two degrees! How can 2 measly degrees cause so much trouble?
Well, I ran a fever for 3 days and had to cancel my trip to see my sister and her new baby. Boo. Not fair! I was so looking forward to taking a little break from things at home and going to see my sister and spend time with my mom and baby nephew. What lousy timing.
Joseph got sick yesterday, too, so the two of us lay around in misery all day long.
I'm no longer feverish today, but still not feeling great. And Joseph started throwing up this morning. Oh joy.
So I'm waiting for Brigham to come down with it next. I guess not having kids in public school doesn't protect us 100% from nasty little bugs.

Wall-E on the brain

Mosey went to see Wall-E with grandma Frandsen last July when I was in the hospital. When Wall-E came out on DVD, he beeeeeeggggged me for it every time we saw it at Target or Walmart. We got it for him for his birthday and it quickly rose to the top of Mosey's "favorite movie" list. The next week, he went over to play at a neighbor's house and he let Mosey borrow a really cool Wall-E toy. Mosey didn't let that thing go for about 28 hours until he had to bring it back. He loved it, he was absolutely smitten. So I got on Amazon.com and tracked down the Wall-E toy, only to find that it retails for over $60!! But Mosey wanted it soooooooo bad. I checked e-bay and found one for a lot less, but still a lot more than I would normally spend on a toy. A lot more.
Well, it has been worth every penny. Mosey loves that thing.
It is pretty cool! The whole thing collapses into a cube, just like the "real" Wall-E. It's eyes move positions, giving him different expressions. The trash compacter opens and closes, its arms expand and retract. And did I mention Mosey loves, loves, loves it? He does.
Poor Little Dog, Golden, and his various other stuffed animals, they have all been unceremoniously relegated to the toy closet ever since Wall-E came to our house. Ah, the caprice of a 5-year-old boy...

Adding another doctor to my repertoire

So I went to my local neurologist today to get the ball rolling on a couple of things. I got the go ahead from my Houston neurologist to get a Baclofen pump, and I now have a referral to a local neurosurgeon. I love having so many doctors. Two neurologists, two hematologists/oncologists, and now a neurosurgeon. I wonder how thick my medical files are? :-)
Apparently the neurosurgeon will do some sort of trial run, injecting Baclofen directly into the spinal fluid to figure out dosages, etc., and then do the actual surgery implanting the pump. I don't know a lot of details about it yet, but I'm sure I'll learn. The pump involves implanting a device under the skin, I think in my abdomen somewhere, that will deliver Baclofen directly into the spinal fluid via a catheter, also under the skin. This will be good because I'll be able to be on a lower dosage of Baclofen, but it will hopefully have greater effect, since it will be going right where it needs to be. My doctor told me that the Baclofen pump works pretty well for M.S. patients with primarily spinal cord involvement, which is me.
For those who don't know, Baclofen is an antispasticity medication. Spasticity is a very common M.S. symptom, and my biggest annoyance right now. Spasticity just means muscle stiffness, brought on particularly by sudden muscle movements. Walking is really hard, because the muscle movements involved in walking trigger the spasticity in my legs. If I've been still for a long time (in the car, sleeping at night), and then get up, my whole body will go rigid for a few seconds until I can loosen up again. Also, with prolonged spasticity, tendons can actually shorten leading to other problems. My achilles tendons have already shortened quite a bit which just makes me MORE stiff and awkward.
On the other hand, spasticity can be a helpful thing for M.S. patients, because it can actually lend strength to the legs to help bear weight. So we'll have to find the balance between enough medication to minimize the spasticity, but not so much that I can't bear weight on my legs at all.
I'm just about on the highest dose of oral Baclofen right now, and it's just not controlling it very well, plus it is such a pain to have to take pills 4 times a day (yeah I know, wah, wah). And there are some scary side effects possible with the oral Baclofen (seizures and stuff). I hope the pump will work well for me.
I also have a referral to the St. David's rehab clinic to arrange for hand controls on the van. I have been putting this off for too long, but it really is only a matter of time before I will get in a wreck, and that's not cool. I'm putting myself, my kids, and other people on the road at risk, so I'm not putting this off any longer. I don't think it will take too long. Apparently Ben will still be able to drive, even with the hand controls installed, but it will mean I can only drive the van. That's ok. Ben almost got in a wreck this morning going to work. It was raining really heavily and there was a four car pileup RIGHT in front of him. He saw the whole thing, and he was the first car that DIDN'T also crash. It really shook him up, and me, too. Driving is by far the most dangerous thing we do every day, and we take it for granted. Well, I'm not anymore, and I'm getting this taken care of ASAP.
It kind of stinks because it just makes me realize more now abnormal I am. I'll never be normal again. I have to get used to that. On the other hand, the hand controls will really free me up. As it is, I only dare drive during the day, and only for short distances and NOT in traffic. Limits me a lot. And other drives just love me, since I leave about a quarter mile between me and the next car in front of me, LOL!! Maybe I should have a sign in my back window saying, "I have slow reflexes, so BACK OFF!"
I have not heard back from Baylor about my MRI results from a couple of weeks ago. I don't know when results will be in, or if I'll even hear anything about it. I'm going on the assumption that no news is good news. If there are huge changes from last June, before the transplant, I expect they'll tell me, but if everything is stable, I probably won't hear anything.
That's the report from today!

heartache

Life is funny sometimes.

On Tuesday I awoke to a long-awaited email about the birth of my sister's fourth child. A boy! I had been hoping and hoping for a boy (she has 2 girls and a boy already, and every boy needs a brother), and hoping and hoping her delivery would be all she wanted it to be (natural), and it was! I smiled all day, thinking about baby Miles.

On Tuesday as I was going to sleep, Ben got a message from his twin sister. Her beautiful 22 month old daughter is in the Phoenix Children's Hospital, just diagnosed with ALL Leukemia.
This beautiful baby, much longed for after 3 long years of infertility.


Talk about emotional extremes.

I'm going to go see my newest nephew next week, and I can't wait. But I also can't get little Josie and my sweet sister-in-law (really, a sister) out of my heart. Angee has had more than her share of sadness in her life, and I just ache for her.

Of course, all the memories of my own baby brother's cancer diagnosis, all those years ago, come flooding back. He left a hole in our family that has never been filled.

I keep telling myself, "If a child has to get cancer, leukemia is the kind to get," since it has a very promising remission and long-term survival rate, but somehow that's not much comfort right now.

Awwwww...

Y'all may have seen this on other blogs, but I had to post it on mine 'cuz it's so sweet. Especially the end.