Twelve years

Twelve years ago today I married Ben and started our life together

We were so young. I didn't feel young at the time (I doubt any 20 year old does), but, oh I was!

Looking through my wedding pictures today was nostalgic. Very happy memories, but when I look at those pictures of my 20-year-old self, knowing now some of the challenges she would face, I feel a little sad. She had many dreams and hopes that day, some of which have come to pass, some which I hope will still come to pass, but some which will never come to pass. I'm glad she could remain ignorant of the future and blissful in her anticipation of her life to come.

It was funny also to be reminded of how much I've changed. Not just in years, but in taste. I loved my wedding, but I would do a few things differently now. I still love my dress. If I could change one thing, I wish we would have hired a different wedding photographer! The one we had was cheap, offered us the negatives, and did an adequate job. I loved the pictures at the time, but now, having actually taken wedding pictures myself, I have to kind of laugh. Being a photographer, and loving photographs the way I do, I think a good wedding photographer is well worth the money. The photographs are the only thing that you'll keep forever of that wedding day (well, aside from your spouse, I hope!).

However, I would NOT change who I married. I knew it was the right choice then, even though I was only 20, and I still know it was the right choice. Ben has been through a lot with me. His life has been changed almost as much as mine has been with my illness. I think sometimes about how I would react if our roles were reversed, and I admire him and love him even more for how he has coped with everything. Our lives have not turned out exactly the way we imagined back in 1997, but the most important things have.

In another 12 years, will I look back on myself and think, "Oh, how young she was. How naive!"? I kind of hope so, because it will mean I have been able to grow and progress even further.

Here are some pictures (not great quality, scanned from 4x6's) of that day 12 years ago.

I still love my dress and veil. It was not a typical wedding dress. In fact, it wasn't intended to be a wedding dress at all. I wanted one I could also use as a Temple dress, and my mom found this at a 1920's store in the mall, of all places. Some details were added, like lace at the waistline and wrists, but not much else. I'm so glad I chose that dress, I really love putting it on again when I'm in the Temple. I also wanted a long veil, and I still love the one we chose. My mom discovered on the morning of my wedding that it was sewn onto the headpiece backward. I remember her frantically restitching it that morning as everyone was getting ready. I do wish I'd had my hair professionally done. I've never had my hair professionally done, actually. It looked ok, but that is one thing I would change.


I wish I remembered what we were talking about. This is on the big lawn in front of the entrance to the Mt. Timpanogos Temple.


I like this one, walking out of the Temple. I would DEFINITELY have had my bouquet ready for the Temple photographs. I can't remember why I didn't have it. I think it wasn't ready in time or something. So my mom brought along some fake silk hydrangeas. As much as I love hydrangeas (that was the flower I wanted for my reception, but they weren't widely available in Utah in April!), the cheap fake hydrangeas are really not what I would choose today.


Oh, such a cheesy, posed, prom-picture shot! And the photographer cut off our hands! Aargh! (cutting off hands and fingers is a big no-no, in case you didn't know) But it's still cute in its own way. I would also not have Ben wear a bow-tie with his tux, if we were to be married again. But see how pretty the actual bouquet was?


Gosh, we just look SO YOUNG. I was 20. Just a girl! And my parents let me make this decision? :-)