05/09/2013

Aaahh.  Almost Friday.
I can tell it's getting close to the end of the school year.  All the boys are getting tired and ready for a break.  I know I am.
All my boys periodically (some more than others) have a strong need to assert their own will when it comes to school work.  As the boys are growing up, this is getting less and less, and I do recognize the progress we have made.  And most of the time they are really good kids, interested and willing to do their assignments.  But other times...  Well, other times sending them to public school starts sounding pretty good.
My challenge is, as always, to figure out how to avoid power struggles with my kids.  When I'm stressed out, I'm not very creative, and my default mode is way too controlling, and definitely not humorous enough.  So last week, when one of my boys outright and utterly refused to listen to an 8-minute clip of an NPR program that I wanted to play for them, I ended up taking away the privilege of him going to one of his favorite activities.  Afterward I berated myself, because I HATE doing that.  I hate, hate, hate punishing my boys and taking away things that mean something to them.  If I let things get to the point where I am threatening punishment, that is my failing.
They're not entirely off the hook-- I mean, come on!  Refusing to listen to an 8 minute radio clip for absolutely no other reason except that you don't want to be told what to do?  This is stuff 4 year olds do, not kids as old as mine.  But still, I should have handled it differently.  I can always think of things I should have done after the face.
Yesterday I ended up in full-on tears with a different child of mine who was freaking out about another assignment he had to do.  I'm not sure what they are thinking my motivation is in trying to get them to do their schoolwork.  It's not like I'm having a jolly old time, rubbing my hands with glee while I'm torturing them into finishing a grammar assignment.
And today I got the other boy to cry.  Awesome.  Afterward, we had a pretty good talk.  Well, I talked to him, and he listened.  :-)

I've been trying to better communicate to my children what my educational goals for them are.  It's not that I think every assignment is vitally important.  Whether or not they finish this particular outline and short essay on Harriet Tubman is not the issue.  Whether or not they spell "unsuccessfully" correctly on the language worksheet is not the issue.  Whether or not they learn what compound interest is this very day is not the issue.  The issue is learning good habits and developing an identity of excellence.
My goal is to help them be careful, thorough, and neat in their work.  To take pride in a job well done.  To practice having the discipline to  finish something they don't really like.  To these ends, sometimes the really annoying, stupid assignments are actually the most important!  Because most of the every-day stuff of life is like that-- stuff you don't really like, but have to do anyway.

Anyway, I am trying to stay calm, use redirection and humor, and avoid power struggles.  Sometimes I don't feel like I am making any progress.  But, I guess there are some small victories.  This morning I did manage to get a very recalcitrant to make their bed by initiating a pillow fight.  :-)