Lake Austin

Today was a good day, but at the same time a little difficult for me. It was good because we did a lot of good stuff! I took Joseph to breakfast at McDonalds, just a mother-and-son breakfast date. It was good. Joseph doesn't open up as much as the other two boys, and sometimes I wonder if I'm getting through to him. But he actually listened to me pretty well, even if he didn't talk that much. He's had a really good last 3 or 4 days, and I want to keep that trend going! We then went to Hobby Lobby to get some stuff for our nickel jars, and then to a little gift shop for him to buy a new Webkinz animal, a Husky dog he named "Cripto." On our way home, he saw signs for a garage sale and wanted to go by and see what it was like. The signs were cute, each one had a different adjective-- "Huge garage sale!" "Wonderful garage sale!" "Fun garage sale!" So we drove by, and it was a huge garage sale! No where to park on the road (this was a garage sale at a really big, nice home), so we just drove on by.
Ben worked all day getting our new pool liner in the pool. He did a great job. This was a BIG job, taking several days of after-work work, and almost all day today. The little boys "helped" him today, and he's out there now, finishing up (cutting the holes for the filter and light, sealing these off, and replacing the hardware). It will probably take all day long tomorrow to fill it up. He saved $450 doing it himself!
I went to Walmart and got a couple things he needed plus dog food and a plant I'm giving to a friend. Mosey has a friend at preschool who is adopted from China. Her parents are really great. Her mom has taken Mosey to and from preschool several times, and watched him a few other times when I've had to go to Houston. They are trying to adopt another baby from China, and just had a match fall through because of some stupid technicality. They are going through the waiting child program which lists children with various medical conditions, because the wait time for a traditional adoption is now about three years (yeah, and people say "just adopt" when you can't conceive on your own, as if it's so easy!!!). Anyway, they found the perfect little baby a couple weeks ago, with a very minor heart condition that may well resolve on its own, and they just fell in love with him. Well, after they were going forward with everything, China suddenly changed the requirements for this little boy and decided they had to already be on some list or other to be qualified to go forward with the adoption. My friends were not on this list, but were literally days away from being so. They asked for an exception, since the rules were changed after they had already been matched, but China denied the exception. There was still a chance they could get this baby once their papers had been approved, which happened yesterday, but they found out today that he had been matched to someone else during the last 7 days that all the confusion was going on. So she is pretty devastated. I don't know what to say to her except I'm so sorry. She is very discouraged and feels like this was the perfect match, and it slipped through her fingers. I can't imagine the disappointment. It's got to be just like a miscarriage, maybe even more poignant because they knew his name, had his picture, he was a real baby (is a real baby), but won't be theirs. So anyway, I bought an angel wing jasmine plant to give to her.
This evening we went to Lake Austin for a ward activity with a Luau theme. The boys had a fun time playing in the water, but Mosey got stung by a bee. Poor guy!
It was a hard day for me, though, I guess because the reality of my disability is starting to sink in a little. This past year has been so crazy, and things have changed so fast, a lot of it hasn't seemed real. But I guess it is starting to. I sat outside watching Ben work on the pool, and it was so frustrating not to be able to help. And then after about 10 minutes I tried to get up to go inside, and found I not only couldn't walk, I couldn't even stand up. Yes, 10 minutes in 85 degree weather was enough to render me totally helpless. Ben had to carry me inside. This is very sad to me. How many things will I never be able to do with my family, if I can't tolerate 10 minutes in not-very-hot weather? I went inside and my left eye was also completely fuzzy. My left eye is the one having trouble with optic neuritis. I really don't want to lose my vision. It took a few hours to recover, and even after a few hours inside the cool house, I still was really weak for the rest of the evening.
I hope I'll recover some after the transplant. I know that sometimes nerve damage can repair itself. We've all heard stories of quadraplegics who miraculously recover nerve function the doctors didn't think possible. I don't know if I should hope for that, or try to adapt my expectations to a lifetime of where I'm at right now. I'm so grateful I have the mobility I do have, don't get me wrong. I know it could be much worse. But it's still a tough adjustment, and some days the disappointment just hits hard.
At the Luau tonight, there was a hula hoop contest, and I remembered a year and a half ago at our ward Luau in Florida, I re-learned how to hula-hoop and I was really good! It was sad to me to realize I can't do that anymore and may never again. Also I just get worn down with frustration at the end of the day when everything is so difficult. I am glad I still have the ability to get around somewhat, but it is so HARD. It's so disheartening when just getting up to help my 4 year old in the bathroom is a major undertaking. The house is a mess and I get so panicked about it, knowing I'll never be able to clean in up myself. I tried to clean up the house yesterday while all the boys were at school/preschool, and I got the playroom picked up (mostly sitting on the floor and scooting myself about), and the dirty dishes put in the sink, and dirty laundry thrown into my room, and that was IT! I was wiped out for the rest of the day. The house wasn't close to being clean. It is so frustrating to have my entire day's worth of energy used up doing these stupid chores that would normally take me probably 10 minutes or less. Maybe I shouldn't waste my energy like that, but I also can't stand going about the day with the stress and anxiety a dirty/messy house gives me. It's a dilemma! I feel horrible leaving all the household chores for Ben to do after he gets home from work, especially when he's been working so hard in our backyard. And the boys do help, but some days there just isn't time for them to really help clean up. They have homework and Tae Kwon Do, and dinner and bedtime routine, and there just isn't time. I feel like I need to give them time to just play, they can't be scheduled with stuff most of the afternoon, and then forced to clean up the house the rest of the afternoon, with no time to play. And I start to hate myself telling them "no" to everything they want to do because it will make a mess. Little boys should sometimes be allowed to do things that make a mess! And some messes they really can't clean up. Yesterday they brought home "oobleck" from school (the cornstarch/water concoction that's sort of a solid, sort of a liquid). It was great fun for them to play with, but also incredibly messy, and while they *tried* to clean it up, there are streaks of corn starch pretty much everwhere. Normally this would be an easy mess for me to clean up, but as it is, it is VERY hard. I just hate it when my disability infringes on the normal fun things kids should be allowed to do.
I'm just tired of everything being so hard, you know? I would love to have just one more day being normal. Just a break every now and then. Just one day when I'm not reminded with every step I take of this horrid disease. I want to think about other things. I want to be able to look forward to things without having to wonder if I'll be able to do them or not.
We've been reading in Alma 39-42, the Corianton chapters in which Alma talks about the resurrection. Wow, do I ever look forward to having my body restored to its perfect condition. Do I really have to endure 50 (if I'm lucky) more years of this? I guess I'll just get used to it after a while.
So I'm allowing myself to feel bad tonight, and then tomorrow will be a new day! I'll find only things to be happy about tomorrow!
Sorry this is so long. I should probably cut about 75% of what I wrote out, but I'm just too tired. My life is 90% really, really good. But sometimes the pesky 10% just gets me down.

Here are some pictures from the Luau tonight.




Pretty, huh?



Joseph and Brigham, soaking wet.




Brigham showing me how he would hula hoop and juggle at the same time!




Mmm, orange creamsicles...




Caught Joseph in a pensive mood.




Joseph's new Webkinz, "Cripto."




Mosey enjoying a Fanta a couple minutes before he got stung by a bee (bees love orange Fanta, be warned!)




Ben and Mosey hanging out on the dock.

flower

Anyone know what this is? We have these two plants that border our front walkway which have been blooming the past several days. I think we had these at my house growing up, but I don't know what they're called. They're pretty!
I wish I knew how to use my macro lens better. It's cool, but I know I'm not doing it justice. Maybe I'll work on that over the next little while.

11 years

Happy Anniversary to Ben and me today! April 24, 1997 marked the beginning of our lives together. We've now spent more than one third of our lives together, amazing!

I have a longer post brewing in my head, but it must wait till a later time. I just didn't want this day to pass without acknowledging it. I don't think Ben reads this blog much, but if you do read this, I love you!!!!!

Earth Day Activists

6-year-old activists.




Joseph spots his mom and her ubiquitous camera at the side of the road.




The boys and their recycled-cereal-box signs. Even the signs are "green!"




Joseph's sign. The teacher wrote "suggestions" on the board for the kids to copy.




Brigham's sign. He actually wrote something that we had talked about at home. We ought to be preaching responsibility over everything else.



So last Friday I got this in my email, as part of the 1st grade weekly newsletter:

"Earth Day is next Tuesday! In celebration, we have an entire day planned of “Earthy” lessons. Please send an empty cereal box and paper towel roll to school on Monday with your child. They will be using the materials to make a handheld poster.
Then on Tuesday morning, Earth Day, parents and children are invited to meet at Mrs. Dielmann’s house to walk to school as a grade level. She lives very close to the school and the walk is an easy one. The children will carry their handheld poster advertising our concern for loving the planet that they made on Monday in class."

Lovely! More political indoctrination for six year olds!

Not that I have any problem with my children learning respect for the earth, I'm a big fan of that. It's just that I'm not sure the public school 1st grade is the correct forum for environmental activist marches!

I'm sort of kidding, I did send the boys to school yesterday with their cereal box and paper towel roll to make their recycled signs, and they did walk to school with their class this morning. Of course their teachers had talked up this activity a lot, so I could hardly say no.

But I drew the line at my kids wearing green. I love green! Green on St. Patrick's Day is awesome. But until the school encourages the kids to wear red white and blue on President's Day, I will not be sending them to school wearing green on Earth Day. They wore red, white, and blue so they could at least make their own private statement.

We talked quite a bit yesterday and this morning about our responsibility to the earth, and how we need to be respectful of all living things, and take care of the beautiful earth Heavenly Father has given us. But then we talked about how our first responsibility is to human beings. I told them about DDT and how environmentalists have essentially caused the deaths of millions of people. We talked about their responsibility to people always coming before their responsibility to the earth or anything else.

Dennis Prager (talk show host I really like) talks about how whenever he meets with groups of kids, he'll always ask them one question. He poses the following scenario and asks them what their response would be:
Suppose you are at the beach and you notice that your family dog is drowning. As you are running to rescue him, you notice a stranger is also drowning just a little way from your dog. You can only save one of them, and the other will definitely drown. Which would you choose to save?

Dennis Prager says that invariably a majority of children will say they would choose to save their dog. I was skeptical of this until I heard him about a week ago, as he was broadcasting live from somewhere or other. A class of 4th graders had come to watch part of the broadcast, and he asked this question to them live, and broadcast their unrehearsed answers. Sure enough, a majority of the children said they'd save their dog. They had a variety of answers (the dog is like a member of the family, they love their dog, etc.), but the majority did choose their dog. I find that very frightening. I'm going to ask my boys that question today after school and see what they say.

So anyway, here's what the boys' signs said. I asked them and they told me their teachers had written several suggestions on the board and they copied them.

Joseph's sign:
"Be responsible. Walk, don't drive. Turn off lights. Plant trees. Recycle. Earth is our only home. Save our home!"

Brigham's sign:
"Think before you act." Followed by drawings of the earth, recycling symbol, garbage can in a circle with a slash across it, and a heart above a house.

****UPDATE****
So tonight as I was fixing dinner I asked the boys the drowning dog/drowning stranger question. Brigham answered first and he said he would save Mister (our dog). I asked him why, and he said because he loved Mister. Then Joseph said he would save the drowning man. I asked him why and he said "Because people are more important than dogs." I didn't prod them on what I thought the right answer was, and the two of them talked a little bit. Brigham said, "What if the man was a bad guy?" Joseph said, "You don't know if he is a bad guy!" I asked him what he thought Heavenly Father would ask him to do, and he said, "Save the person." So he eventually got to the right answer. I do think this shows how kids must be TAUGHT values. Good values don't come naturally.
We then had an interesting discussion about what if this man really WAS a bad guy (really were?), what should he do then? We talked about Alma the Younger and how sad it would have been if someone had refused to save him as a young man, because he was so bad. He would never have had the chance to repent and to bring so many Lamanites to the gospel. I asked Brigham if he would be more sad if Mister died or if Daddy died. Of course he said he'd be more sad if his Dad died. Then I pointed out that the drowning stranger might have been some other little boy's daddy, and that little boy probably would really hope Brigham would choose to save his Dad. The point was to try to teach empathy, another trait which is completely unnatural to humans, and must be taught (especially to boys, I think). We talked about how life is full of hard choices, and many times the right choice is the hard choice. It would be really hard to let our dog drown, but it still would be the right choice.
So, I wish both my kids would have given the right answer right off the bat, but as it was we had a good talk and I think it was definitely a learning moment.
Pretty telling, though, that at 6 years old after two years in the public school system, my boys can tell you all about the evils of greenhouse gases, and the virtue of recycling and riding bikes, but they couldn't clearly and confidently answer that they should save a human being over a dog. If the schools must teach values, I wish they'd at least teach those that will actually make the students better human beings. Oh well. (That's not to say that recycling isn't a worthy cause. It's just that I don't think it is recycling that makes a good human being. And I worry that when schools get into the business of "character education," there are many parents who assume their kids are being taught correct values at school, and perhaps are not as vigilant about teaching their kids values as they should be. If schools would stick to education, no parent would get the false impression that values teaching is anyone else's responsibility but their own.)
By the way, Dennis Prager asks this question of high school students, and gets the same results. Very scary.

Strawberry fields

Boys at the Sweet Berry Farms

Joseph finding some ripe ones

Brigham hanging out by the burros

Cute Mosey

Grandma seeing if the strawberries are ripe

Brigham resting after a lot of picking!

Brigham peeking out of the giant ladybug out in the field

Mosey taking a break in the shade

Brigham and Joseph cooling off with some fresh strawberry popsicles

Is it good Mosey?

Isn't he cute?

Brigham trying to feed the burro a piece of carrot. If you look close you can see that Brigham has dropped the carrot just as the burro is trying to get it off his hand. Oops!

Joseph doesn't mind getting burro spit on his hands

The pregnant momma goat. She was hungry!!

This goat somehow managed to climb the tree to perch on this treehouse. Wow!

Mosey didn't care too much about the burros, he was too busy eating strawberries!

Weekend update

My mom is gone now, which is always a let-down. It was really nice to have her here. We were able to schedule the bone marrow aspiration and bone biopsy on Friday, so at least she was able to be with me for that. I was really nervous, although it didn't end up being that bad. I guess that's one benefit of horribilizing something in your mind, often the reality isn't as bad as you build it up to be! The worst part of it was probably the numbing injections, and that only because of the stupid clonus in my leg. I warned the nurse beforehand, and she handled it pretty well. My nerves just freak out, especially on my left side, whenever there is a sudden change in sensation (drop of cold water, needle prick of an injection, standing up after sitting), and my leg will jerk involuntarily. I was worried it might continue to do it, even after the local anesthesia kicked in. But happily my leg calmed down after the numbing took effect. The first thing they did was the bone marrow aspiration. The nurse told me I have very hard bones. I told her my husband has always said I have a hard head! Anyway, she had to get a male technician to get the needle into the bone, so I guess she wasn't kidding. The bone marrow aspiration hurt some, but not that bad. I guess it is the shifting of the bone marrow that causes pain, so I can imagine that a full-fledged bone marrow extraction for an old-school bone marrow transplant would be very, very painful. It hurt enough just getting that little sample. After the aspiration, they did the bone biopsy, where they took a little core sample of my hip bone. I have seen the most interesting things about my own body during all of this! I've seen pictures of my brain and spinal cord, seen my own bone marrow, and a piece of my bone. I'd rather see my bones under these circumstances than any other!

I was glad my mom was there with me because my leg was not happy with me after the procedure. I wouldn't have been able to drive home. We wanted to stop in Brenham (about halfway between Houston and Austin), which is the home of the Blue Bell ice cream factory, and a really charming little town. This is the most beautiful time of year for the Texas countryside. The whole drive there and back was spectacular. All the trees are in full foliage, the grass is bright, bright green, and the wildflowers are in full bloom. Really, it was so beautiful. Anyway, our plan was to find a little ice cream shop in Brenham and wait there for a while so we wouldn't be driving into Austin during rush hour. Well, after driving around Brenham for a while, we found the perfect place, only to discover it had closed 10 minutes before. Oh well, I'll definitely go there next time I drive through! We ended up going to Cheesecake Factory when we got into Austin, so it was fine.

Saturday we drove out to Marble Falls to the Sweet Berry Farms to pick strawberries. That was another beautiful drive through the hill country, with views of Lake Travis between the cedar-covered hills. The farm was really fun! We picked a lot of strawberries, and ate a lot. Why are fresh-picked strawberries sooooo much better than those you buy at the grocery store? I don't get it. We ate strawberry popsicles and strawberry smoothies and had fun watching the animals around the farm. They had burros (kinda like donkeys, but a lot smaller and cuter), goats, chickens, etc. There was one goat that was very pregnant with what looked like twins, and I think she single-handedly ate half our big bag of pretzels (by the way, goats LOVE pretzels!). She butted away any other goat that came close to her. It was pretty amusing to watch. We already have eaten most of our strawberries (you'd think $15 of strawberries would last longer), but I do have one container in the freezer, so we'll have them for shakes or whatever else. We'll definitely make the Sweet Berry Farms a springtime tradition here.

My mom also helped me get some projects done, namely hanging a bunch of pictures that I never got around to last summer before I got sick. Now I need to update all the pictures in the frames!

So, that was our weekend. I think the next procedure I'll have is my first set of MRI's, but I am not sure when that will be. There is just no way to avoid multiple trips to Houston (we got into trouble because my schedulers were trying to do me a favor by scheduling all my tests at the same time, when that just can't be done!). But I am feeling more confident because I got the bone marrow aspiration done, and it wasn't that bad. I think the other stuff I have to do probably won't be that bad either.

Backyard boys

For your viewing pleasure

Joseph requested that I take a picture of his open mouth. So I obliged.

On an unrelated, but good note, I was able to get my bone marrow biopsy scheduled for tomorrow. That's the procedure I am most dreading (not counting the actual transplant stuff of course), so I'm glad my mom can come with me and that I can get it over with. I will return and report how it went tomorrow night. My appointment is at 2:00, so we'll leave here sometime in the morning and probably get home around 7 or 8:00.

Un-telling

I've always thought one very sad part of suffering a miscarriage is the terrible task of "untelling" everyone who had heard your good news.

On an infinitely smaller scale, I am also sad to have to "untell" what I thought was our good news last Friday! We are NOT going to be doing the transplant in May, as I had thought. It will now likely be pushed back to July.

The trouble is that this isn't just a normal bone marrow transplant, it is a clinical trial. There are a bunch of other tests and stuff in the protocol for the study that are not a part of a normal BMT protocol. I had been primarily working with the tranplant coordinator, who simply didn't have all the information about the study protocol. It's a long story, but the upshot is that I have to have a series of MRI's a minimum of three weeks BEFORE any of the other baseline tests can be done (bone marrow biopsy, lumbar puncture, etc.). And they haven't been able to schedule the MRI's because I guess Texas Children's Hospital (where I have to do the MRI's) is very busy.

So everything is pushed back three weeks after they are finally able to schedule the MRI. The problem is that this would put me in the hospital right during my sister's wedding on June 28 (and she had picked this date primarily because we all thought this was the date I could most likely be there! Aargh!).

When the nurse called me this morning (after I had called and left messages with 2 other people, wanting to know what my schedule was this week), she delivered this bad news. She couldn't really explain the reasoning behind this 3 week wait, but it is a part of the study protocol, and it is imperative to follow the protocol exactly. I sort of fell apart. Well, I really fell apart. I had a total overreaction to the situation. It's just a 3 week wait, and I always knew there was a good chance I wouldn't make it to the wedding. But I didn't realize how MUCH I was looking forward to being there, to having my whole family together for the first time in 2 years, and the last time in 2 more years, having my kids be able to play with their cousins, being in the Temple with my sister, all of it. I just couldn't handle the thought of half of my summer being taken up by this transplant. Missing the last few weeks of the boys' school, AND basically all their summer vacation (because I probably won't be good for much for a few weeks after I get home), AND the wedding was too much. Also, I think it's just really getting to me, having my fate in the hands of people who don't know me, being told one thing, and then finding out something else, being told we have insurance approval, only to have to wait 4 weeks before the clearance actually comes, just everything.

So after moping about for a few hours, I suddenly just thought, "Why don't I just wait till after the wedding?" I think it will be much better. This gives the nurses and coordinators a good 6 weeks to get their act together, coordinate with all the hospitals, and get my appointments set in stone before I have people (i.e. my mom) flying in on expensive last-minute tickets only to find that I'm not going to Houston after all. If I'm going to go through all of this, it may as well be on my own terms. And it seems better this way, to not have everything rushed and last-minute. So, that is the plan. Well, it is MY plan. Hopefully everyone will comply! :-)

I'll hopefully (I know I use this adverb way too much, and it's kind of a meaningless adverb at that, but oh well, hopefully you all understand what I mean!) have all the preliminary baseline tests done at the beginning of June, get started on the stem cell mobilization and get the collection done the week before the wedding, then go to the wedding, come back and go into the hospital the next Monday! Then I'll spend all of July in the hospital, and my boys can stay in La Canada with my mom for a couple of weeks, then go up to Utah and spend a couple of weeks with the Turner cousins, and come back to Austin when I go into the outpatient place so they can come visit me. I think this is a good plan.

The risk, obviously is that by delaying by another month or 5 weeks, I may have another relapse, and that would not be good. But I think I am willing to run that risk just to have more personal control over what is happening in my life.

In any case, I can not do a single thing until those MRI's are done, and they haven't even been able to schedule them yet.

I feel bad for my kids, I've been trying to gear them up to have me be gone, and now I'm not going to be gone yet, I've been telling all my family members that I need them to come out and stay to help with the boys, and now they all have to change their plans, and the whole thing is very frustrating.

But that's just the way things go. I understand I'm the first patient going through this here in Texas, and they're working out all the kinks. It's got to be really hard to coordinate everything between 3 different doctors and 3 different hospitals. So I'm trying to be understanding and anyway it does me no good to be angry. Frustration is a waste of energy so I'm trying to let that go, too.

I'm going to really try to enjoy the next couple of months. I won't have the anxiety of waiting for insurance approval and all that. Hopefully I'll have all the plans in place soon, and I can just relax and focus on my kids and keep myself healthy and enjoy life. I will be here for the end of school, I'll have a few weeks in June to go on some fun weekend trips with my family, and try to de-stress as much as possible. Plus, I'll have my hair for the wedding pictures!! Yay!! And, while I really don't think it will happen, I can't help wondering what if I end up in that 3-5% who don't survive the transplant? I want my boys to have their last memories of their mom to be really happy ones, not really stressed out ones, know what I mean? But don't worry, I'm not losing sleep over that possibility.

I've also learned not to count on ANYTHING until I get the automated email from MD Anderson with my appointments listed there in black and white.

It has been great to have my mom here the past couple of days. She got more done in 8 hours yesterday than I could have accomplished in 3 weeks, and that is probably an understatement. I'm going to keep her busy with some other projects I've been procrastinating so her trip out here wasn't a complete waste of time. Actually, I should just let her sleep, since she pretty much never ever gets a chance to relax, ever. I don't think she'd go for that, though.

Thank you everyone for your notes to me, and all the prayers and good thoughts coming my way. I know it is helping me maintain at least a semblance of equilibrium during all of this.

Me and my kids

We went out to the Dell field yesterday evening and Ben took some pictures of the boys and I, so I have something to look at while I'm in the hospital. It wasn't easy, but I think I got a few keepers!

All set

I got a call today from MD Anderson, and everything is finally settled with the insurance company, and they are coordinated with Baylor (all my neurology stuff is through Baylor, all the transplant stuff is through MD Anderson). So I'll be going to Houston next week for the final bunch of test and procedures. I'll go in early Wednesday morning and should be done by Friday afternoon.

The list of stuff is:
1. Bone marrow aspiration
2. Chest X-ray
3. EKG (I already did this, don't know why they need another)
4. Placement of central line catheter so I don't have to keep getting IV's
5. Lumbar puncture
6. MRI
7. Assorted blood work

I'm mostly afraid of #1, #4, and #5, probably in that order.

Then the week after I start the conditioning regimen to get ready for the stem cell collection. This involves shots of Nupagin which stimulates the release of stem cells from the bone marrow so that they can be collected through apheresis instead of through a bone marrow extraction (the bone marrow aspiration I'll be doing is just a biopsy). After a few days of shots I'll go in for the collection which I think takes a few days. The stem cell collection process should take about 2 weeks.Then I'll go into the hospital, my estimation is the first week of May. I'll have a 4 week hospital stay for chemotherapy and then the transplant, and then 2 weeks at an out-patient place in Houston, and then I'll be done!

If everything goes well, I'll be discharged to go home 2 weeks before Rachel's wedding. It is cutting it a little close, but I think it will be ok. Then I can record my bald head for all prosperity in Rachel's wedding photos.
Ben and I are trying to work out all the details. I think my mom is coming out next week to be with me in the hospital, and Ben will work from home Wed-Fri and look after the boys. After that, I'm not sure. I don't necessarily need anyone with me at all until I'm discharged to the out-patient place, although it would probably be good to have Ben there during the chemotherapy phase. I think we're mostly just taking it a week at a time at this point.
It will be good to get this all over with!
I hope the boys handle everything ok. I think it is kind of good that there will be a few weeks where I'm gone for a bit, but keep coming back for a day or two, before I'm gone permanently. Well, for 4 weeks anyway, which I think feels sort of "permanent" to 4 and 6 year olds. I can't have any visitors under age 12 at the hospital. :-(

So what else has been going on besides waiting for all of this to finally get worked out? Mosey has been sick for the past week. I really think he is just about better. He hasn't run a fever in more than 48 hours now, although he's still coughing a lot. He missed preschool both days this week.
I've been working on taxes. Yep, there's a barrel of laughs. Actually I think we'll end up with a refund which is surprising. Things were made complicated by the fact that we had that other house which wasn't our "main home," nor was it officially "rental property." But I think we figured it all out. We couldn't locate our tithing settlement form, so I have to wait till I get another printout on Sunday before I can officially file. I always have good intentions, but I end up never filing until a couple of days before the deadline. Oh well, I guess the government is getting full interest-benefits of our tax dollars before giving us our refund.

Brigham and Joseph are doing pretty well. Joseph is having a little trouble with TV-temptation. It's weird, we've gone the whole school year with *very* little trouble with our TV rule (no TV Mon.-Thurs.) up until the past 3 weeks, and every day Joseph's been sneaking off to watch the cartoon channel. I even disconnected the cable one day and he figured out how to connect it back up. We've had some interesting discussions on temptation, and I think I may just remove the cable from the TV entirely. They like to watch DVD's and there's just nothing worthwhile on TV at all except animal planet. I particularly hate most of what is on the Cartoon Network, especially in the afternoons. And the more TV Joseph watches (all the kids, really, but Joseph is the one in question here), the more grumpy and ornery he becomes. There is a direct correlation between the amount of TV he watches and the number of times he says, "It's boring in this house!" and "There's nothing to do!" I told him the more he says those things the more I know he's been watching too much TV. My theory is that TV watching atrophies the think-of-something-interesting-to-do part of the brain (Dave, that is the technical term for a real part of the brain, right?). I've told the boys a thousand times that too much TV turns their brains into mush. Ok, maybe not literally, but I think it seriously does hamper their imagination and creativity. Ben and I watch so little TV, there really isn't even any point to have the cable hooked up all the time. Too much temptation for little children.

Ok, it's nearly 1:00 AM and I have tons to do tomorrow, so I'll close this boring letter right here.

Stinky flowers

Anyone know what these are? They grow on these large bush/tree things all over Austin. They have such pretty blossoms, but oh MY, they are smelly! Also they spew pollen everywhere. My van is covered with greenish-yellow dust.
I seem to remember maybe we had one of these in our backyard growing up? I vaguely remember cutting some blossoms to put in a vase in my room because they were so pretty, but quickly having to throw them out because they smelled so bad.

Piano

I'm designing a graduation announcement for a friend of the family; she's graduating with a music degree (piano and violin performance), and I wanted some sort of piano graphic. I found one on the computer I liked, but couldn't use it because of copyright laws, so I kinda used it as a model to make one of my own. Like it? A masterpiece made with magic marker. :-)

Conference weekend

Ben and I enjoyed listening to conference. The boys enjoyed playing in the mud while we were listening to conference!

Ben moved our hot tub (major undertaking, btw, as is trying to get it re-wired in its new location), and left a nice square of soft dirt perfect for making a mud bath.

Mosey is sick this weekend (fever, coughing), so he slept for most of conference weekend. I hope he's getting over it now. He ate something for the first time in 2 days tonight. He's getting skinny! It's amazing how quickly little kids can get skinny.

I loved conference. I can't think what my favorite talk is, yet. Maybe Elder Wirthlin's? There were lots of really great ones, though, I'll have to read them again when the Ensign comes next month to really be able to decide.

Mosey reading!

Here's a video of Mosey reading "Mouse Soup." Isn't he cute?

It's hard to understand some of his words, but forgive him, this was actually the first time he read this story (Joseph brought it home as one of his literacy library books), and I put him on the spot! There were some tricky words, but I thought he did a good job sounding them out (of course, I am his mother!).

Senior pictures

So my previous favorite type of picture to take was maternity portraits, but I think my new favorite may be Senior portraits. I got to take senior pictures of one of the Laurels in our YW, and we had such a fun time. She indulged me in all the different places/poses I wanted to take and she ended up with 96 proofs (!!). I was able to take the pictures without too much difficulty, because her mom and sister were there to lug around my gear, hold my reflector, etc. I brought a step-stool with me so I could sit down whenever necessary. It has 2 steps, so I could get a variety of angles, and could also use it to help myself up if I sat on the ground. I was very gratified to see I could still do it. I wouldn't be able to chase little kids around, that's for sure, but 17 year olds, those I can handle.
I rented a Canon 5D for this photoshoot, and I WANT ONE SO BAD!!!!! I could go into all the reasons I love it, but most of the reasons are pretty technical which wouldn't mean anything to most of you. But this camera increased my percentage of usable shots by a WHOLE lot (that's the reason for 96 proofs-- with my 20D I have to overshoot because I know a bunch of the shots won't be usable because of it's spotty auto-focus), and also dramatically decreased my post-processing time. I WANT ONE! On e-bay, they're still going for about $1600-$2000, so I'm not sure I'll be able to get one any time soon. Maybe Canon will come out with another pro-sumer camera which will drive down the price of the 5D. I can always hope, right? Meanwhile, I've reserved the 5D again for a family photo-shoot I'm hoping to do tomorrow night (if the weather cooperates).