09/24/2013

Yesterday was not a stellar day for me.  I was sleep deprived, and it shows up by my nearly nonexistent rope of patience with my children.  I'm perfectly fine as long as they are perfectly compliant...  :-(
To be sure, a couple of my boys had some unusually difficult moments, but I should have been able to handle it.  And I was needlessly short with another child.  Oh, well.
One thing that drives me to distraction is when, during piano practicing, my child messes up on something, and then shoves away from the piano and stalks out of the room in anger.  It drives me insane.  SIT DOWN!!!  DON'T LEAVE THE BENCH!!!  I don't care if they make a mistake-- no problem at all.  I DO mind the temper tantrum.  So in response, I throw a temper tantrum of my own.  Awesome.
I have another child who is testing me every now and again with the word "No," another thing that will put me over the edge.  I can't stand it when I ask my child to do something, and I get a flat out "no."  I don't mind, "No, mom, I can't because...." or "OK, but in just a minute, first I have to..." or any variation on that theme-- let me know WHY you are saying no, and if it's reasonable, then there is no problem.  But flat out defying me?  I see red.  And I tend to put down draconian consequences.  "If you don't ____ by the time I count to 10, I'm going to _____."  Which is stupid, and lazy parenting.  It sets them up for having to lose face, even if only to themselves, in order to comply.  It's a win/lose situation (or lose/lose).  After the fact, I can almost always think of ways I could have avoided that situation, or changed it, but at the moment, it really seems like they are driving me to that point, and leaving me no option besides the power struggle.  And when I'm tired, it is 10 times worse.  That kind of parenting can work fine for small children, but for 12 year olds?  No way.  And I should know that since I couldn't stand that kind of thing when I was that age.  (Of course, in my memory, I was always totally reasonable, offering many logical reasons for my position, and my parent was being the unreasonable unyielding one...)
So I'm going to do better today.  No more power struggles like that this week!  No more yelling this week!  I've been doing really well in not yelling, so I'm going to tell myself this was just an anomaly.