family letter 09/29/2013

Hi family,

This last week flew by.  I had the 5:40 class for seminary this past week.  I think it went OK.  I had some more inspired lessons than others.  I'm having a terrible time getting my kids to read scriptures at home.  I'm not sure what to do about it.  They are good kids, just very busy and it's not in their schedule.  I've been texting them every evening to remind them what the next day's reading is, but it's not really helping.  I had my lowest-ever attendance on Friday-- THREE kids showed up.  I'm trying to think positive and take it as a convoluted compliment-- I had texted the kids the night before to tell them there was no specific reading assignment since we were going to be doing scripture mastery stuff (which they  normally like).  So when only 3 kids showed up, I can only assume it is because the rest of them figured that without my scintillating, educating, and inspiring lessons, it just wasn't worth coming.  Maybe?  :-)

School went OK.  Our routine is going pretty well.  I had a couple of days of some uncooperation which got me down.  I really need to find better ways to handle those situations so they don't deteriorate into lose-lose power struggles.  Getting more sleep so that my patience isn't razor thin would help.  Also there was some fighting and not getting along between Brigham and Joseph which makes me sad.  I still need about 2 extra hours each day so I can really be ready for school the next day-- time to correct work done that day and time to get more prepared for the next day's lessons.  Some topics this year are requiring more advance preparation from me than in the past.  We're studying logic this year for the first time, and the book we're using seemed pretty good until we got to analyzing the truth value of if-then statements.  It gets extremely counter-intuitive and very frustrating.  Shall I try and slog through it anyway?  I don't know.  I need a few hours to go through the book and decide if it gets less or more frustrating.

What else.  Brigham and Mosey went to the symphony with me on Friday night to hear a Prokofiev piano concerto as well as selections from Wagner's Ring series.  It was wonderful.  I love that my boys like to go with me.  I wish Joseph would go, too!  I think he would have enjoyed it (he likes Prokofiev).

We got lots of rain this week.  The problem in Texas is that we tend to get our year's worth of rain all at once.  :-)  The boys had fun running around outside and getting drenched.  Mosey and Brigham went swimming during the downpour-- almost no difference in or out of the pool!  We had some 90's days still this week, but it looks like things will cool off this coming week.  I hope.  I'm ready for fall to arrive.

I hope everyone has a good week.  EVA, I can't believe you are leaving!  Your time in the MTC has gone by very fast for me-- I hope it was just right for you.  I love you and miss you!

Love,

Gabrielle

09/26/2013

Items from the last couple of days:
We went to the orthodontist on Wednesday.  Did I ever write about Brigham's and Joseph's braces?  Well, they have braces now.  It's maybe the one thing that to me has really made them look like middle-schoolers.  :-)  They have been troopers about it, hardly complaining at all.  They are veterans with orthodontics by now, having done spacers and herbst appliances.  It's a long haul.  But they will be done long before high school, which I think will be a great thing.
Yesterday I took Mosey to the park with me to help watch my friend's kids while I met with a woman I visit-teach.  Mosey is a good kid.  He ran around with those kids (all younger) and did a good job looking after the 2-year old.  It was pretty hot-- in the 90's (boy am I ready for these days of 90's weather to be OVER), and he was so cute with his rosy face.
I cut the boys' hair last night, which was sorely needed.  Brigham and Mosey both hate their hair getting long and have been bugging me to cut it.  Joseph still hates getting his hair cut.  He let me do it, but not without very vocally and continuously expressing his dissatisfaction with the situation.  :-)  He looks so handsome with short hair, though!
Today is Friday.  Only 3 kids showed up for seminary.  That's an all-time low.  I'm trying to actually be flattered by it, though, since I told the kids yesterday that we weren't having a formal lesson today-- it would be scripture mastery activities (which normally they love!).  So I'm going to interpret their not coming as deciding that it is only my scintillating and spiritually satisfying lessons that I have had every other day that has kept them coming.  :-)

09/24/2013

Yesterday was not a stellar day for me.  I was sleep deprived, and it shows up by my nearly nonexistent rope of patience with my children.  I'm perfectly fine as long as they are perfectly compliant...  :-(
To be sure, a couple of my boys had some unusually difficult moments, but I should have been able to handle it.  And I was needlessly short with another child.  Oh, well.
One thing that drives me to distraction is when, during piano practicing, my child messes up on something, and then shoves away from the piano and stalks out of the room in anger.  It drives me insane.  SIT DOWN!!!  DON'T LEAVE THE BENCH!!!  I don't care if they make a mistake-- no problem at all.  I DO mind the temper tantrum.  So in response, I throw a temper tantrum of my own.  Awesome.
I have another child who is testing me every now and again with the word "No," another thing that will put me over the edge.  I can't stand it when I ask my child to do something, and I get a flat out "no."  I don't mind, "No, mom, I can't because...." or "OK, but in just a minute, first I have to..." or any variation on that theme-- let me know WHY you are saying no, and if it's reasonable, then there is no problem.  But flat out defying me?  I see red.  And I tend to put down draconian consequences.  "If you don't ____ by the time I count to 10, I'm going to _____."  Which is stupid, and lazy parenting.  It sets them up for having to lose face, even if only to themselves, in order to comply.  It's a win/lose situation (or lose/lose).  After the fact, I can almost always think of ways I could have avoided that situation, or changed it, but at the moment, it really seems like they are driving me to that point, and leaving me no option besides the power struggle.  And when I'm tired, it is 10 times worse.  That kind of parenting can work fine for small children, but for 12 year olds?  No way.  And I should know that since I couldn't stand that kind of thing when I was that age.  (Of course, in my memory, I was always totally reasonable, offering many logical reasons for my position, and my parent was being the unreasonable unyielding one...)
So I'm going to do better today.  No more power struggles like that this week!  No more yelling this week!  I've been doing really well in not yelling, so I'm going to tell myself this was just an anomaly.

09/23/13

Mondays, Mondays.  They are my longest days.  Up at 4:50 to get ready for seminary.  Then get the kids up and out for breakfast and scripture study, then the long marathon of lessons during the day, then orchestra in the afternoon.  Because of Mosey's and Brigham's overlapping schedules, I end up making two trips down there and don't get home until about 9:00 PM.  At least I had an hour or so in the afternoon to prepare for my seminary lesson so I was able to be in bed not long after 10:00.  Which I needed to make up for the 4 1/2 hours of sleep I got the night before.  :-(
Mosey had his chair test at orchestra.  He forgot his music at home-- the music we had marked with all his reminders.  Oh, well.  He borrowed music and said it was OK.  Brigham found out the results of his chair test last week-- 2nd stand 2nd violin, which is perfectly respectable.  Especially since this is his first year in that orchestra!  But I could tell he was disappointed.
School was OK.  Not super, but OK.  I managed to make Brigham cry before school even started.  I'm so awesome.  He is very competitive, and ultra sensitive to any perceived slights.  I'm giving out tickets for participation in seminary, and doing the same thing for my boys during our scripture study.  But Brigham can't help but count how many tickets I'm giving his brothers, especially Mosey, and then get very hurt and upset when I haven't given him as many as he thinks he deserves.
I can't stand this kind of competitiveness.  It pushes all the wrong buttons for me.  I know Brigham needs reassurance and compassion, but I just get mad.  I told him I'm not going to do tickets at all if they're going to cause so much unhappiness and contention.  Then he started crying.  Oh, man.  I struggle with knowing how to handle this part of my boy's personality.  He feels things very personally-- things that are NOT personal at all.  I find it frankly annoying, and so I tend to respond with frustration, which only feeds into his feelings of persecution.  It's tough.
I measured the boys again yesterday-- they were interested in knowing their BMI's so they could see who was the fattest.  Yep, competition again.  Turns out they are all within 1 point of each other, so not much difference.  But I was able to see that Joseph has grown another inch since June, and a good 4 inches since a year ago.  Mosey's grown almost an inch as well, but poor, poor Brigham hasn't grown at all since we last measured.  I know he is sensitive about this as well.  He didn't say anything, just walked off.  I personally love that he isn't growing up so fast!  I'm finding myself very emotionally conflicted about Joseph getting so big-- he's now 5'1" and 92 lbs!!!!!  And his voice is getting lower and lower- I hardly recognize him on the phone anymore.  So I'm loving that Brigham isn't growing up quite so fast, although I know it will be his turn soon enough.  It is hard to be a twin.
OK, time to get the boys up for the day and finish figuring out what we're doing for science today.
Here are some recent pictures.

Oh, man

This school year is proving to be incredibly busy.  And I am really, really resolving to get more sleep, so this blog has suffered.  I may institute a ONE thing every day policy, instead of three.  We'll see.
Yesterday was my last-ever MRI as part of the HALT-MS study.  It was pretty weird coming out of that Children's Hospital building, knowing I'll probably (very hopefully) never be going back.  The MRI was fine, despite having to get poked 3 times to get the IV running...
I may never go back to Houston again, either.  I don't have to if I don't want to!!  It was the least stressful drive out there that I've ever had because I knew it was my last.  I made it there with only 5 minutes to spare (I'm supposed to be there 30 minutes before), and that after speeding as much as I possibly dared.  I meant to get an early start, but then just as I was dropping the kids off at church, Mosey realized he forgot his cello at home (he was playing in the primary program, which I also missed), so we sped home, got the cello, got back to church in time for the primary program, and then I got myself on the road 30 minutes late.  Oh well, all's well that ends well.

09/02/2013

1.  Labor day!  We didn't do school today, although I spent most of the morning organizing stuff for school.  The boys did practicing (didn't get totally finished until 8:40 tonight, oh well), Ben worked from home.
2.  We went to my friend Traci's apartment pool for dinner and swimming in the afternoon.  It was so hot and I got overheated and then couldn't stand up, but it was still fun.  I'm such an antisocial person, it takes a lot to give me the gumption to go and do social things, but I'm glad when I do.
3.  I told Mosey I am pretty well finished with the dramatics during practicing.  Oh, you should see it!  The huffing and puffing!  The groaning and moaning!  The shoving away from the piano and stomping away!  I can deal with hysterics, it's just that it takes so much time.  If he would practice instead of throwing a fit, he'd probably get done with his practicing in half the time, and sign off pieces a lot faster, too!  But really, 9 1/2 years old is plenty old enough to be aging out of the practicing hysterics stage of life, isn't it?
4.  One of my seminary students, Max, brought over the most delicious banana cream pudding I've ever tasted.  Oh, dear, it is so good.  And he brought over a HUGE bowlful.  I am in trouble.
5.  Today is my youngest brother, Isaac's birthday.  Joseph's middle name is Isaac, after this brother of mine.  He was born prematurely 17 years ago today, and I miss him.  He would have been only 5 years older than my boys, and would have been such a great role-model for them-- more of a peer than any of their other aunts or uncles.  I can't wait to get to know him someday.