Sad day

Mister had a vet appointment today to have an ultrasound done to see if we could figure out why he's been losing weight.  The results came back and they were not good.  He's got a big mass in his abdomen, tangled in and around several organs, and it looks like it's in his lymph nodes, too.
This wasn't entirely unexpected because he's lost a lot of weight in the last few months, he's had some digestive "issues" (let's just leave it at that), and he's been a lot more lethargic than usual.  He's also 12 years old, which, for a big-ish dog like Mister, is pretty geriatric.
Still, I was hoping they wouldn't find anything and the high calorie puppy food and the big batch of crockpot chicken and rice that I made him would fatten him up and he'd go back to his usual happy and occasionally very annoying self.  :-)
The vet couldn't give us any exact timeline, but she did say there wasn't anything to be done at this point and at his age.  She told us to think of 3 things that he really likes to do, and when he no longer can or likes to do two of those things, then we'll know that his quality of life is very compromised.
Oh, this was a hard thing to tell my boys.  I held it together on the phone with the vet, and then I called the boys into the living room to tell them the news.  I mostly held it together then, too, and then I called Ben on the phone.  That was also a hard conversation.  Mister has been with Ben and I longer than our boys! 
The boys and I got in the van to go pick Mister up from the vet.  We talked about the good life that Mister has had, and what fun things we would do with him in the time we have left. 
When we got to the vet's office, I turned around and saw Joseph sitting in the back seat with his head buried in his arms, his shoulders shaking with sobs.  That's when I couldn't hold it together anymore.  Joseph has a special relationship with Mister.  Joseph is my animal-lover.  And he really, really loves Mister.  There have been many times when Joseph has had a bad day, and all he wants to do is lay on his bed hugging his dog.  He's my most dedicated dog-walker, and the most concerned of the boys when Mister takes himself on his illicit "adventures."  I brought Mister in to the vet for the first time (just for bloodwork which came back mostly normal) a few weeks ago, while Joseph and Brigham were at Scouts.  Joseph asked me if he could come to his next appointment so that he could be with Mister. 
I can handle hard things, but having to stand by and see my child in pain is really, really hard.
This is the list we made of things Mister really loves:
1.  Licking the dishes as we put them into the dishwasher.  (ewww)
2.  Eating hot dogs.
3.  Going on walks.
4.  Howling along when we sing "How Much is that Doggy in the Window."
5.  Wrestling with the boys.
As of now, he still loves and can do all these things, although his stamina for walks is definitely diminished.  I hope he's got a while longer.  But he is so very thin.  He is just skin and bones. 
I'm thankful my boys will have the opportunity to experience the sadness and permanence of death in the context of losing our Mister.  There are importance lessons to be learned about the value of life, when one comes face to face with death.  And losing a dog is very sad, but won't cause my children permanent trauma.
At least, these are the things I am telling myself as I wonder how I'm going to help my boys, especially Joseph, navigate these painful waters.
Until that time comes, though, Mister will be enjoying the good life, being showered with attention and love and treats.  And you know what?  I wasn't tempted to yell at him once the entire day! Maybe there's a soft spot in my cold stone of a heart after all.  :-)
Yesterday Brigham got a camera and took a bunch of pictures of Mister as he lay on the couch (his favorite place, these days-- either there or laying on his dog bed next to the piano as the boys practice).  He asked me to put them all on my blog.  Well, he took 31 pictures, so I don't think I'll put them all up here.  But here are a few.  I'm going to take some special pictures of each of the boys with Mister in the next few days.

In these last three, Brigham was trying to get Mister to stand still so he could take a picture, but Mister was not cooperating.  So Brigham got the pepperoni out, and balanced a piece on the camera.  I think it's funny to see this progression of Mister walking through the kitchen...

 Then suddenly getting a whiff of something delicious in the air...

 And suddenly he is all ears and big eyes and 100% focused attention on that piece of pepperoni on the camera.  :-)  As long as Mister still takes such joy in pepperoni, I think he's doing OK.  :-)

We love you, Mister.