Drama at the Doctor's

After my transplant nearly 3 years ago (can it possibly be that long?!), my boys weren't allowed to have any immunizations for a year, until my immune system recovered.  At that point, we were homeschooling, and without the yearly immunization requiremenst by the school, I let it slide.  Well, being reminded that I have got to get my 2 year immunizations done before my 3 year checkup coming up next month (oops), I decided to schedule all three boys for a checkup.  I was not anticipating nor was I ready for the drama that ensued...
It started out fine.  Joseph and Brigham are both exactly the same height (53 1/4 inches), although Brigham weighs 65 lbs and Joseph weighs 60.  Mosey is 52 lbs and 48 3/4 inches.  They're all 50% for height and weight, except Joseph at 40% for weight.  Normal, average heights and weights-- I like that!  Blood pressures were all fine and they passed their hearing and eyesight tests with flying colors. 
Then the doctor came in.  (She is a new doctor for us (the boys' old doctor retired), and I really like her and I think she did a fabulous job, and I don't think any of the stuff that followed reflects badly on her at all.)  She asked for their immunization records, looked them over and announced that Brigham and Joseph both need chickenpox and hepatitis A vaccinations.  At this point, Joseph started to freak out.  He looked at me and said, "I'm NOT getting any shots, mom!"  Then Dr. Rusk left and the boys had to put on the lovely hospital gowns and undress down to their undies.  Joseph, my very modest boy, balked at that.  He took off his shirt but refused to take off his pants.  Mosey somehow forgot about undies that morning, and so wouldn't take off his pants either. :-)  Brigham had the first physical which involved the doctor checking eyes/ears/mouth, listening to his heart, checking his knee reflexes, checking for scoliosis, palpating his abdomen, and taking a very, very quick peek (seriously less than half a second) to check for hernias.  Brigham was a trooper and was happy to cooperate with whatever the doctor asked him to do. 
Then it was Joseph's turn.  He bent down and touched his toes for the scoliosis test, got up on the table for the heart and reflex checks, but flat out refused to lie down for the hernia check.  Not that I blame him.  Anyway, Dr. Rusk was really nice and explained what she was checking for, but he was not budging.  I thought I'd use his hesitation as leverage, so I told Joseph that I wouldn't make him do the hernia check (I'm about 99.99% sure he does not have a hernia), if he would cooperate with me on shots.  Well, this was not motivating to him at all.  Finally she proceeded with Mosey's checkup.  But now Mosey was all freaked out and refused to get up on the table, and instead hid behind a chair.  Oh, man.  But Dr. Rusk told him it was OK, and did the heart and eyes/ears/mouth check where he stood.  She got him curious about his knee reflexes, and he finally agreed to sit on the table while she banged on his knee with her giraffe mallet, and after that he was OK with the abdomen and hernia check. 
But THEN it was time for the dreaded shots.  Joseph and Mosey were both not budging on the shot-refusal front.  I looked into Joseph's eyes, and I saw real fear there.  He's got a phobia of needles, and it's hard to talk a kid out of that.  It can be hard to talk adults out of a fear of needles!  But Mosey was more being obstinate.  I'm almost positive that if Joseph had been on board with the shots, Mosey would not have had a problem with it.  Anyway, while we were waiting for the nurses, I tried everything I could to pep them up, distract them, bribe them, whatever!  I told them after it was over, they'd wonder why they'd been so scared.  I tried to tell them that at least every week they do something that hurts more than getting shots.  My boys are pretty tough, and I can't remember the last time Joseph cried for pain (crying over math or piano practicing or the utter injustice of Saturday chores is another matter :-)).  I offered a dollar per shot.  The easiest $2 they'd ever make-- just sitting there!  No dice.  I tried scare tactics-- "Do you know what happens if you get hepatitis?  Well, first, you might DIE, but WORSE THAN THAT, you'll have to go to the hospital and get blood drawn, and IV's stuck in your arms.  You'll be stuck WAY more times if you get sick than you will if you just get the vaccine!"  But my kids are too sophisticated to be swayed by scare tactics.  Or something.
Finally I tried the distraction technique.  I started telling them about all the shots I've taken in my life.  I took twice daily heparin shots when I was pregnant with the twins and with Moses.  Being pregnant for 38 weeks, that added up to 532 shots!  (I'm good at doing multiplication in my head :-)).  THEN, adding in the daily Copaxone shots I took for a year and a half (~550), the 3x/week shots of Rebif I did for 6 months (around 80), we're already up to more than 1100!  And I don't even remember how many shots I did during our 2 IVF cycles and FET.  Suffice it to say, I've had a LOT of shots in my life. 
Surprisingly, this actually seemed to work.  The tears stopped, and when I added that each child who cooperated with the shots could go home and order anything they wanted on Amazon.com that was $10 or less, the deal was sealed.  A very expensive deal, to be sure, but sometimes dire circumstances call for dire measures. :-)  I challenged each of them to try to keep their faces so still when they got the shots that I wouldn't be able to tell when they got poked.  I told them about smiling as hard as I could to suppress the gag reflex (it's weird, but it works) when I was running for the bathroom ready to throw up for the umpteenth time when I was pregnant with them, and told them to try that-- maybe smiling would suppress the pain, too!
Joseph went first.  He was all psyched up.  He jumped up on the table, pulled up his sleeve, and was ready to go.  And then the well-meaning nurse ruined everything!  Instead of just going in and doing the shots quickly and quietly, she stood there and looked at Joseph and said, "I hear you're scared of getting shots!  It's OK to be scared.  I was scared of shots, too.  I used to run out the door of the doctor's office so I wouldn't have to get a shot!  How are you feeling right now?  Are you afraid it's going to hurt?"  Like Joseph needed to be examining himself right then and pondering how afraid he is and how scared he is of the pain.  Aarrgh!  Then she lay the needles right next to him and said, "Now don't look at the needles!  That will only make you more scared."  So of course, his eyes go directly to the needles, and he DID get more scared.  THEN she said, "The most important thing is for you to sit as still as you can, because if you move while I'm giving you the shot, the needle will cut through the skin of your arm, and that will hurt a lot.  You know how bad it hurts when you scrape your knee?  It will hurt like that, so you have to be really still."  "OK," I'm thinking, "this nurse can't possibly come up with anything ELSE to make my boy any more petrified than he is now, can she??"  Joseph's eyes kept getting bigger and bigger, and now great big tears were welling up and spilling down his cheeks.  He started moaning, "No, no, I don't want to do it, mom!  I don't want to get any shots!"  I told him to look at me and I'd make the weirdest faces I could and he'd laugh so hard he wouldn't feel the shots!  Too late.  I finally stood up and hugged his head to mine and held him while the nurse gave him his shots.  And how he did howl and lament and how the tears did flow!!  It was over in just a few seconds, but Joseph was beside himself.  "It HURT, mom, you said it wouldn't hurt but it hurt a LOT!!  You said they wouldn't be as bad as the ones I got when I was four, but that was WAY WORSE!"  I soothed him as best I could and told him what a good job he had done, and now he was done with shots for two whole years.  "No, I have another shot, they only did one shot!"  He didn't believe me when I assured him that yes, he had actually gotten 2 shots.  The nurses corroborated my story, but I began to see the power of fear in my boy.  I'm sure he felt the sting of that first needle, but his fear and panic were what he was really crying about.  He didn't even feel the second pinch! 
I tried to get him calmed down.  Brigham and Joseph were thankfully in the other room (very, very good move on the doctor's part, to put them in a different room), and I told Joseph he needed to be brave and help Mosey to be brave.  But the crying went on.  Finally I picked up his dragon drawing Joseph's been working on and showed it to the nurses.  They admired it properly and got Joseph talking about it, and finally he was calm enough to leave.
Brigham was next, and he was really calm and collected.  He got right up on the table, put his hands under his thighs, and his face really didn't change a bit when he got his shots.  As he left I told the nurses, "That boy helps me to know I'm not a complete failure as a parent."  :-)
Mosey came in last, and he had to get 4 shots.  Poor kid.  He missed his 4 year old shots, so he had to get those on top of what Joseph and Brigham got.  But he really was brave and calm until he actually got the shots.  Then he cried and cried, but he was brave.  He didn't try to get away after the first arm was done, but sat still (I was hugging him as best I could) while he got the other two done in his other arm. 
Finally we were finished!!  It was a grueling hour and 15 minutes, but it was over.  Mosey cried and whimpered all the way out of the doctor's office and all the way to McDonalds where I bought the promised McDonald's breakfast (I'm telling you, this was a very expensive trip to the doctor!).  I asked Mosey what he wanted to eat.  "I don't want ANYTHING," he said in a shaky voice, still crying.  I asked him, "Well, if you were at some point later today to want a smoothie, would you want strawberry banana or wildberry?"  "Wildberry.  But I don't want anything!"  So I got him a wildberry smoothie and a sausage mcmuffin and about 30 seconds after his brothers started eating, his appetite returned.  :-)
SO, that was my really fun morning.  :-)  I told Ben that next time HE gets to take the boys to the doctor.  Although by the time Joseph is 11 years old, I'm betting he will be a little more sanguine about the whole thing.  Actually, I think if Ben had taken them today that none of this would have happened.  Joseph's different with Ben than he is with me-- it's hard to explain, but I'm almost certain that if Ben had been there instead of me, Joseph would have cooperated with the doctor, and would have been better able to swallow his fears about the shots.  Oh well, live and learn, and at least I've got an interesting experience to write about on my blog.  :-)
I bagged lessons for the rest of the day.  We did piano practicing and went swimming all afternoon instead.  I sure needed the break, even if my boys didn't!  :-)