12/14/2012

No heart to post much about today, not after hearing the news about all those little children killed in Connecticut.  I saw the headlines when I was checking my email on my phone, sitting at the school table with my boys.  I immediately started crying.  There have been other school shootings, of course.  I lived in Denver at the time of the Columbine massacre, and I remember how totally shocking that event was, and how frightening.  I was horrified and angry and such sorrow for the families who lost children and friends.  But this one hit me like a punch in the gut.  I literally felt like I could not catch my breath.  My mind was rebelling at the words my eyes were seeing.   I have children now, which I'm sure partially explains why this hit me so hard.  I sat there at the school table, with tears falling as I vainly tried to hold it together.  I had to explain to my boys why I was crying, finally, and I could hardly believe I was really uttering those words.
Columbine was a true horror, but this felt more like real evil to me.  Probably because the murderer was an adult, and the children were so, so young, and there couldn't possibly have been any circumstance whatsoever that could have justified such an act in anyone's mind, no matter how twisted.  It is unfathomable to me that someone could do something so unspeakably evil.
I managed to go through the motions for the rest of the day and evening, but I could not stop thinking about those little kids-- just babies-- with their lives ended so senselessly, and all those families who are now enduring the worst pain a human can feel.  There is nothing on earth more painful to a parent than the loss of a child, and surely there is nothing more painful for a child than the loss of a parent.
The depth of my anger and hatred of that man goes beyond words.  May his eternal punishment also go beyond words.